On self-esteem, romantic relationships, finding true love and people pleasing…

Working with private clients from all over the world has made me aware that only a few are truly committed to do the inner work and persevere when things get tough. Many give up shortly before a big breakthrough.

Many of my clients went through painful breakups or found themselves in one dysfunctional relationship after another when they contacted me for the first time and were, therefore, more than ready for a change. They expressed that they had a deep longing for being in a fulfilling and loving relationship. And they also asked me questions about how they can meet their soulmate and twin flame which inspired me to write this article.

I believe that our own negative patterns are generally standing in the way of reuniting with our twin flame.

Elevate the quality of your life by using your natural talents and your spiritual gifts – Life Purpose Activation

Through the misuse of our free will and by buying into false beliefs about ourselves and others we got out of harmony with each other. We feel separated from Source, we feel separated from nature and everyone around us.

I believe the reason why many feel such a strong pull from their Higher Self at the moment to get physically in touch with their Twin Flame is because we live in a time where we can return to WHOLENESS and TRUTH as there are many souls on the planet who have already balanced out a big chunk of their karma or in other words the negative momentum they have set in place previously. More and more people are gradually awakening to who they truly are and do recognize that they are more than their body and more than their mind and that we are all ONE. 

However, this longing for WHOLENESS and TRUTH is often misunderstood and misinterpreted by our mind and that’s why the ego loves to buy into the illusion of romantic and sexual relationships.

The secret of finding your Twin Flame is to understand that your Higher Self, the wise all-knowing part of you is prompting you to re-establish your connection with Source first. We can only recognize someone’s light if we honour, love and respect ourselves first unconditionally. Your partner is never the source of your happiness but your connection with God/Source/Infinite Creator is. If you are already in a loving and committed relationship you can appreciate the gifts you receive from your partner but do not depend on them. Instead, prioritize your alignment with Source and your Higher Self. Everything that hurts and triggers you gives you the opportunity to grow in love and to be grateful for the teachers who continue to show up in your life and point out which areas still require attention and healing. 

I have written an e-book about Self-esteem recently and recorded a guided meditation which will help you with the process to connect with your inner light first. Both are available here.

I am a firm believer in doing the groundwork.

With groundwork, I mean working through one’s doubts, shame, fear, insecurity, anxiety, low-confidence, or any other separation patterns.

I help amazing and conscious women and men to live from a place of authenticity, connect with their higher purpose and shift their relationship dynamics around. Lately, I have been also working a lot with couples and helped them to feel more whole and complete on an individual level which had a positive knock-on effect on their intimate relationship.

If you are currently experiencing dissatisfaction, sadness or lack of passion and joy in your love and career life I am happy to explore with you together which inner dynamics prevent you to live a more fulfilling life. You can find out more about my work here. 

Inviting new LOVE and the ability to forgive

Many of us did not have the privilege to grow up in a loving, creative, positive and supportive home. If you can relate to it rest assured that you are not alone.

We all have various needs as children that need to be met and we are dependent in the early years on our parents and caregivers.

Those who had a very positive early childhood experience become often highly empowered individuals and develop healthy self-esteem and self-confidence.

However when those needs have not been met or the child has been neglected or even abused it will most likely develop dysfunctional coping strategies, addictions or defensive behaviour. Sooner or later many realize that they can’t blame their parents all their lives and this is usually the first step to healing.

When I work with private clients at some point, the topic of romantic relationships comes up no matter the reason they reached out to me in the first place. I never called myself a relationship counsellor or coach. All I do is helping my clients to raise their vibration and awareness, encourage them to look within and drop into their heart.

Interestingly around 70% of the private clients who were single with whom I worked for more than 12 months met the love of their life, got married or are in a happy and fulfilling relationship. It almost seemed to be the most natural thing to happen, and the synchronicities how they met were astonishing.

Any arising fears around intimacy or committed relationships occur in our mind. That’s why the foundation of addressing those fears including the emotions of shame, guilt and unworthiness is crucial. Once this energy is cleared out, you will feel much freer and lighthearted. And once you fall in love with yourself completely, you will source love from within. Nothing and no one has then to be your source of joy! You will be sourced, loved and nourished from within. And if you then choose to be in a romantic relationship the quality of this relationship will be very different. It is very likely that the partner you will meet then will support you to return to your own essence so that you can align with your highest purpose.

The terms soulmate and twin flame are very popular nowadays. Soulmate or twin flame partnerships are meant to help you to grow spiritually and it has usually very little to do with the “happily ever after” fairy tale many have bought into.

The quest for LOVE is always a quest for WHOLENESS

Until someone achieves a certain level of mastery and oneness with their real SELVES this individual is often unable to cope with their own arising negative patterns which are amplified in the presence of a Twin Flame. Your twin flame will be a very precise mirror. Even though we love to buy into the illusion that our Twin Flame will bring only out the best in us. 

Loving relationships do not happen by accident but are created by highly conscious individuals with a common purpose who decide to share their path and be of service to each other. They agree mutually to be forgiving and understanding even at times when they encounter disappointment or when they have different views. They learn and develop the skill to love each other unconditionally even if they find themselves in a conflicting situation and face challenges. They are aware that true love has nothing to do with short-lived infatuation which is fuelled by overexcitement, superiority or obsession.

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass the world is too full to talk about.”

– Rumi

What is the difference between infatuation and true love?

Infatuation makes you feel superior and blind. Real love allows you to be yourself.

Infatuation idealizes the potential partner. Real love sees the potential partner for who he or she truly is.

Infatuation is self-serving and often destructive. Real love unites and has much potential for healing.

Infatuation is a temporary illusion which cannot be maintained for long periods of time and will eventually lead to disappointment, anger and resentment. True love means that you recognize the divinity in the other person but you are aware that each of us has also their weaknesses and that all relationships come with their own lessons and growth opportunities.

The difference between soul mates, twin flames and karmic relationships

I am aware that modern new-age expressions Soul Mate and Twin Flame are often used interchangeably but as far as I know, Soul Mates are simply helping each other to master similar lessons or they have common dharma.

” Dharma is a Hindu, Buddhist and yogic concept that refers to the idea of a law, or principle, governing the universe. For an individual to live out their dharma is for them to act in accordance with this law. The word, dharma, comes from the Sanskrit root word dham, which means “to uphold” or “to support.” In the early Vedas and ancient Hinduism, dharma referred to the cosmic law, which created the ordered universe from chaos. Later, it was applied to other contexts, including human behaviours and ways of living that prevent society, family and nature from descending into chaos.” (1)

Twin Flames are Twin Souls who are literally the other half of our soul. It is believed that they were split into two and went on their separate ways to evolve individually through different incarnations.

I believe a reunion with a Twin Flame is only possible on a very high-frequency level where we have dissolved the majority of our negative patterns which bind us to this earth plane and where we see through all illusions of our ego and recognize divine perfection in all of creation. Your Twin Flame can show up in your life also as a platonic friend, brother, sister, father or mother, depending on what will accelerate your soul’s evolution the most.

Besides Soul Mates and Twin Flame relationships, there are also karmic relationships, where we have made agreements on a soul level to help each other to balance out each other’s karma.

What happens in a karmic relationship?

Intoxicated with the senses the two individuals feel initially a strong attraction without understanding what is going on. A powerful cocktail of hormones is released and suddenly the world looks different and you start to believe mistakenly that you have met the ONE.

Being mindful of what is happening can save you a lot of heartaches and headaches.

The experience which feels so real and overwhelming can be indeed life-changing and you might even believe that this relationship will last forever. Your body chemistry changes and might feel for the first time in your life that you finally understand what love is all. The wake-up call which usually follows very soon might then turn your life upside down in the same way the short-lived relationship did.

A karmic relationship turns often quickly and surprisingly into a very painful, dramatic, disappointing or even traumatic experience because it is not supposed to work out. Karmic relationships are usually meant to be very intense, challenging and short-lived so that you can learn your lessons quickly and move on. In extreme cases, they can manifest in physical, sexual and emotional abuse, resentment, hatred and violence.

Karmic relationships can be healed through love and forgiveness. Any negatively and anger that we send out will return to us in some form and we will need to balance out this energy again at some point. The following pre-recorded healing session will help you to release any unhelpful cords and attachments, facilitate deep healing on a soul level

Each soul has to go through the purification process and transform the base metal (negative patterns of the ego) into gold (their True Self). In other words, you have to marry the beloved within first before you go on the Twin Flame hunt. This process is called the alchemical marriage of the feminine aspect within and the masculine aspect within.

When a couple does not recognize the higher sacred purpose of a relationship the two individuals might experience physical and emotional fulfilment for a short time but it is very likely that they will also take on the negative patterns of their partner if they are not highly aware and conscious and don’t know how to transmute the negative karmic patterns into love. This may explain why people who have many superficial, casual, intimate relationships have the tendency to lose themselves and don’t know anymore who they are because they have absorbed unknowingly the imbalances and disturbances of everyone they have been involved with.

There is much misunderstanding about meeting one’s Soulmate or Twin Flame and people assume that the other person will complete them because it is the other half. The truth is that you must be ready and willing to feel whole and complete within yourself first and from this place of wholeness you can choose consciously to walk your path together with a partner. You come together with the other person to be of service to each other and to manifest your soul’s purpose in a powerful way.

Even if you are in a relationship with a Twin Flame it does not mean that things will always be easy. Just like in all other areas of your life there will be challenging and intense times because your partner will be merely a reflection of you. And any insecurities or fears that you have not dealt with will rise to the surface.

Romantic relationships are beautiful and can illuminate our blind-spots and also help us to grow and expand. They teach us how to love unconditionally, but they will never make us whole and complete.

The definition of self-love

In an ultimate sense, self-love is the recognition that there is only the SELF! Any experience of LOVE is always a direct experience of yourself. You are permitting yourself to experience LOVE, or you deny it.

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”― Rumi

This awareness is very empowering because you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that a relationship, a job, success or status can never fill the gap that you feel between yourself and your true (Divine) SELF.

The definition of Self-esteem

Self-esteem, sometimes called self-worth or self-respect, is how you feel about yourself.

Self-esteem and self-love allow people to face life with more confidence, compassion, benevolence and optimism.

What does it mean to have healthy self-esteem?

Individuals with healthy self-esteem trust their own discernment, act accordingly to their intuition and do not get affected if others don’t agree with their decisions or views.

They trust their ability to find creative solutions to any arising challenges but are simultaneously not afraid to ask for help.

They are sensitive to the feelings of others and do not wish to exploit or take advantage of others.

They can say No and are not afraid to make themselves a priority at times.

They feel comfortable in social situations and do not need to please others.

The definition of relationship dynamics

How two or more people are experiencing and relating to each other.

How you feel about yourself and the other person and how the other person feels about you and themselves.

Which buttons you push within each other when you interact together or in other words which qualities you activate and draw out from the other individual.

All of your relationships are mirroring back to you the relationship you have with yourself. They mirror back to you your own unintegrated or integrated aspects of your masculine and feminine. When your inner masculine and feminine are integrated you become automatically incredibly resourceful, resilient, magnetic, radiant, creative, unwavering, bold and courageous.

How is your current relationship with your partner? Your father? And with the universe?

Did you know that it is all interconnected?

Regardless of your gender, you have both qualities within you – the masculine and feminine.

An indication of low self-esteem is people-pleasing, hiding or rejecting parts of oneself out of fear that someone might judge or reject you.

As a recovering people pleaser and empath who is highly attuned to the needs of others I learned and continue to learn many lessons around this topic. I have noticed that each time I betray myself and ignore my own needs it is because I have bought into the belief that the needs of others are more important.  As a result, I then usually start to feel an extremely strong pain in my spine, left shoulder and the neck. My body could not communicate more clearly that saying YES to something or someone out of obligation in a situation where I should actually take care of my own needs first is not necessarily the right way forward.

In fact, it can bring me out of alignment with my own higher self and create a breeding ground for toxic or dysfunctional relationships.

It is one of our basic needs to be accepted and loved. When we say NO to someone or something or when we do not accommodate other people’s needs a deep fundamental collective core wound becomes activated within us and also all the individuals involved. The primal survival instinct kicks in because finding oneself in a conflicting situation or dealing with someone’s anger, or upset might mean that we will be excluded from the tribe, family or community. We fear that we will be excluded from the group and need to stand alone. Tribal consciousness is the reason why many give in to their fears and play small. Tribal consciousness is the reason why many are afraid to speak their truth and be true to themselves

Merely bringing these patterns into conscious awareness and being very compassionate with yourself can bring much relief and healing.

Yes it is true we are all connected on a higher level and we are here to support each other. But we are also here to be our fullest SELVES and fulfil our unique purpose. We are work in progress. We are here to validate and acknowledge the different expressions and differences on an individual level and we are here to live a life which is in integrity with our higher SELF.

If you would like to explore what your empowered and higher version of yourself would say YES or NO to please reach out to me and we can look into it together.

I am a life-purpose coach and holistic counsellor. It’s not a requirement but people usually come to me in transition. My approach is both practical and mystical/spiritual. My mission is to invite you into higher states of being by cultivating inner awareness, empowerment and love.
I have been unconventionally living life on my own terms while serving the most gorgeous clients all around for around the world for around a decade now. My heart is full and the work I do is highly fulfilling and rewarding.

I can deliberately enter an expanded state of consciousness and have mastered the ability to tap into the SOURCE of LOVE, WISDOM, ABUNDANCE and POWER and I am strongly dedicated to further learning and expansion.

The boldness, determination and courage to walk the path less travelled has opened many doors that exceeded my wildest dreams and I am very grateful for the opportunity to pass this knowledge and experience on and to be of service to the greater WHOLE.

What is stored in our causal auric layer determines our day-to-day experiences. Mindset work might be a great start but is often not enough to change deeply ingrained karmic and ancestral patterns. No matter how motivated and determined we are to shift things. There is more than meets the eye and even more than meets the mind.

My superpower lies in shattering outdated paradigms and tuning in to the unique karmic frequency of my clients to activate their higher calling, including the highest confidence, self-love and empowerment vibration so that they can move forward quickly, uplevel their personal and professional life without unnecessary detours, holding back and feeling stuck. My life is a demonstration of the expression “be in this world but not of it”. I implement spirituality into everyday life in a practical way and help my clients to collapse time so that their life can start to blossom and bloom in a way they might not have imagined.

If you would like to receive a complimentary heart-opening meditation you can sign up for my newsletter here.

Love,

Erika

References

(1)  Yogapedia

Erika is a fully qualified Holistic Life Coach and Counsellor, Hypnotherapist, Soul Transformation Therapist and Soul Plan Practitioner. She helps conscious, aware and strong women and men to transform all of their relationships and create a life full of creativity, fulfilment and empowerment.  Erika will meet you where you are on your journey and support you to let go and release everything which is preventing you from moving forward and reaching the next level of your infinite potential.

She is grateful and honoured to have worked with many private clients all around the globe. Her approach is heart centred and intuitive and she combines practical and spiritual tools to get to the heart the matter. 

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